On July 22, the romantic comedy, “Friends With Benefits” hits theatres. The movie is about two friends that have been emotionally drained by previous relationships and decide to “up the ante” of their platonic friendship so it includes “no strings attached” sex. Does this type of relationship stand a prayer of working out? Here’s our list of things to consider before embarking on a “Friends with Benefits” or FWB adventure of your own.
Sex without strings: In theory, it sounds great, probably more so to men than women. If you have 2 people who agree upfront (with complete and total honesty) that a casual, non-emotional sexual relationship is okay, well it might be worth giving it a whirl. The secret may be to not let the relationship go on for very long. The longer this sexual, non-emotional fling lasts, the less likely it is to stay non-emotional. Keep it short and sweet if you canbut there belies the problem. Once you’ve started this type of relationship—how do you end it without pain or awkwardness?
Convenient for commitment-phobes: The FWB relationship is the perfect forum for those that fear the idea of commitment or just aren’t ready to commit. It’s a good way to get free and easy sex with someone you probably know and trust without having to get emotionally entangled. By this definition, the FWB relationship actually sounds pretty good, but the reality is bound to be much more complicated than it sounds.
Hidden agendas: What happens if one of the 2 parties involved in this arrangement has some sort of a hidden agenda? If one of the 2 participants involved secretly thinks, “if I just love them a lot, and the sex is great…well maybe true love and a real relationship will follow…” This way of thinking is the kiss of death because the other person involved got in this arrangement in the first place for precisely the reason stated at the get go. No strings.
Someone will get hurt: Sooner or later, odds are that someone in this relationship is going to get hurt. If one person isn’t completely honest about wanting more than just sex from the relationship, when they don’t get what they want they are going to feel bad and it’s going to create a hurtful situation. Feelings change over time, too. What started out platonically sometimes morphs into something much more—this can be excruciating if it’s only felt by one-half of the duo.
Unexpected disasters: Whenever you are dealing with sex, there are the obvious pitfalls and disasters that must be considered. STD’s, unwanted pregnancies and of course…feelings. Having a FWB relationship involves risking all of these three potentially disastrous situations. Sex is good, but it’s also fleeting. The after burn of any of the above could be long lasting. You may even lose a really good friend in the process.
Keeps you too busy: If you are busily getting your groove on with your FWB all the time, perhaps this is keeping you from making yourself available for what you really wanta long term relationship based on love, not just sex. Why are you are settling for this uncommitted, sexual friendship if what you really want is something more meaningful?
Weird jealousies: Are you okay with your FWB having sex with any number of other people as well? It’s something to think about and people have been known to get jealous as well as possessive in these scenarios even if it was agreed upon upfront that this wasn’t supposed to happen. Rarely do FWB relationships ever go according to plan.
You’re going to have some explaining to do: If you are hooking up with a friend that’s already part of a group of friends that you hang out with, discretion is mandatory or really weird and potentially awkward explanations are going to have to be made at some point. Don’t be surprised if not everyone is sympathetic to your agenda. The other potential problem is that someday when you do find yourself in a real relationship, it will come out at some point that you engaged in a FWB fling in the past. This could potentially make any actual friendship you have with a member of the opposite sex up for suspicion with your partner. Your significant other may justifiably wonder if you are thinking about having sex with that friend, too.
Mars and Venus: The natural differences between men and women make this type of friendship difficult from the beginning. It’s been said that women have sex to fall in love, while men fall in love to have sex. If a guy can just skip over the love part and go straight to the sex part, more often than not, he’s a happy camper. Obviously even guys, in time, can get emotionally attached, too. A man is naturally better equipped and wired as well to be able to compartmentalize sex as the physical act that it is, and can oftentimes keep their heart completely out of it.
We are all human: Even with the best-laid plans in place, the FWB road is still paved with many potential disasters and is fraught with quite a few pitfalls. Knowing what you are up against can help you weigh out the pros and cons in your mind so you can make a better decision as to whether this type of relationship style can actually work for you.
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